random thoughts from a stressed out mother...

When my daughter was born it was the most amazing day of my life. She was the most perfect little girl with the darling ringlet curls and the chubby cheeks. As she grew she became my best friend and the most important person in my life. I have protected her the best I have known how to for the last 12 years, however some things a mother can't protect you from. 

Teen years are the first thing that comes to mind. I love her to pieces but as she enters those terrible teen years, at times the thought occurs to me that I would have been better off raising chickens. haha Sometimes I look at today's youth and think, "were we REALLY that bad?" She tends to get mouthy like her friends at times and as a good parent you have to keep very close tabs on them as far as their friends, what they watch on tv, what they listen to on the radio and so on and so forth. These are the inevitable things that parents have to protect their children from.

However, how do you protect your child when it is their other parent that hurts them? How to you fix it when part of them is what breaks their heart more than anything and kills their hopes and dreams? How do you teach your child to love their other parent even though they've hurt them so badly that the child wishes they would never have to see them again? 

My daughter has had a very rough time with her fathers love. Unfortunately his love is not unconditional. She feels as if she's never good enough and has been lied to about so many things that she gets totally confused and never knows what is truth and what are lies. Why should a 12 year old have to differentiate this? What kind of a world are we living in that a child can't even hug their parent and say they love them without being asked what they want. Is it so hard to believe that a child's love really IS unconditional? I believe that the love of a child is the truest kind of love aside from God's love. When I look into my little girls eyes and she says she loves me, all of the frustration from the "teen years" and all of the arguments and all of the stress from her father issues seem to melt away. I truly feel that I see God's love in my daughter's eyes, and I wish it was that easy for her father to see into those beautiful little eyes too so he would realize how badly he's hurt her. 

As the "mommy" my job is to make every hurt better, even those hurts. Sometimes I don't know what to say to make it better. All I can do is hold her and tell her I love her. I do everything I can possibly think of to take the pain away and I pray every night that it will be enough. She has been blessed with an amazing step father who loves her more than anything in this world. He helps her pick up the pieces. I know God brought us together not only for me, but for her also. I tell myself that everything happens for a reason and one day I'll know why we've been tested this way. 

In the meantime, I will continue doing what every good mother does...pray for my child constantly and hope that they listen when God quietly guides them and helps to ease their pain.