Today is not shaping up to be such a wonderful day. Here I sit, an hour and a half until Memaw's viewing and thinking about what a wonderful woman she was. I have come to the realization that my husband deals with sadness and stress like no one else I know. He sleeps. I tend to stress until I am sick, and then I sleep. I feel like if I sleep, then when I wake up everything will be better. I don't want to do this. I don't want to see my daughter upset tomorrow at the funeral because she lost a grandmother that she loved dearly. It wasn't fair to her. She didn't get much time with her before she died. Even when Memaw didn't recognize my husband at her birthday party, she remembered my daughter.
The other blow of the day is, my daughter will have to do visitation with her father on Saturday. She is already under enough stress. I have decided to wait until after the funeral to tell her about it. She doesn't want us to leave so we have agreed to stay but sit on the other side of the restaurant while they visit. He was not happy when I let him know that, but it was my daughter's request, so he can't be too upset about it. He requested that my husband not be there. The drama between him and my husband seriously makes me ill. My husband has never tried to take his place with my daughter, and has never done anything to him for him to have such a hatred for him. A grown man that will falsely accuse another man of assult, has plenty of his own issues.
My nerves feel like frayed wires. Like any little spark will set me off, and my stomach is in knots and cramping up. I don't like feeling like this. Now I just want to crawl back into bed and sleep, in hopes that when I wake, everything will be back to normal. Time to take an anxiety pill and to pray.
